Matchbox The Movie Review: John Cena Stars in Yet Another IP on a Predictable Road to Nowhere

In the world of intellectual property, Apple TV‘s Matchbox the Movie is one of the more ridiculous attempts to exploit brand recognition for a classic Hollywood cash grab in recent memory. This isn’t a movie about the origins of the Matchbox brand, a National Toy Hall of Fame inductee whose tiny toy goodness has generated billions in revenue since Mattel bought it.

We can only assume the deal was to give Barbie and Ken what they really deserve. I mean, how can you blame them? Adaptations have become highly successful film franchises (The Lego Movie, Transformers), and Apple TV has made well-received movies about the creation of IP like Tetris and The Beanie Bubble, which would have been a much more interesting movie.

What is Apple TV’s Matchbox the Movie about?

Instead, we get a film meant to be a family-friendly version of The Fast & the Furious, a souped-up infomercial. One meant to sell a dying brand, with subliminal messages of buying your kids’ toys because Matchbox the Movie makes friends into families, practically breathing, “Let’s make our childhoods great again.” Which is too bad because the movie, in its own way, could have worked

The story follows Sean Walker (John Cena), an active covert agent for the Central Intelligence Agency. On a top-secret mission, Walker manages to procure a warhead and hand it over to an international arms dealer in what we can only assume is some long-form sting operation. After the mission, he wants to keep working, but they tell him to take some time off to rest and relax.

However, after an unusually awkward scene where the filmmakers try to make Cena seem like a suave WWE meathead version of James Bond, Walker gets some bad news. While doomscrolling through some social media posts on his phone, he sees that a man who was like a father to him, Smalley (the great Bill Camp of the upcoming series Nocturne), has died.

Apple TV’s Matchbox the Movie Review

Walker travels back to his childhood home to attend Smalley’s funeral. There, he reunites with his old friends, known as the “Matchbox Gang,” including his childhood crush, Aimee (Jessica Biel). Relieved to see her old friend, Aimee joins Walker as they meet the other members, Crosby (Sam Richardson), Charmaine (WandaVision‘s Teyonah Parris), and Teddy (Arturo Castro).

Sam Hargrave (co-writer of Extraction) directs Matchbox the Movie, with a script by The Family Plan franchise of films scribe David Coggeshall, which should tell you where the film is headed. The film picks up the pace when the entire group is then drugged, questioning Walker about the missing warhead, which he obviously knows nothing about.

Which makes you wonder why on earth the bad guys, in this case, the United States government, would think about abducting not just Walker, but four of his adult friends, which, you know, would draw more attention to the situation than it’s worth. Of course, then you wouldn’t have an excuse to have a deep bench of talented actors, and the natural love interest of Biel‘s character.

Is Apple TV’s Matchbox the Movie worth watching

The contrived circumstances that bring these childhood friends together feel amateurish. Still, they give the story some emotional weight by emphasizing that home is where the heart is, hence the Fast & Furious-style emphasis on family. The cast has good chemistry, including the wonderful Parris, reinforcing the importance of friendship and loyalty. However, Cena and Biel lack that same spark, with hardly anything revving under the hood.

And while the first act and most of the second work, the movie is a good 35 minutes too long. The final, supposedly exciting plot points play out like the character development in the latest Paw Patrol film, where everyone has a specific skill, making it all boring, predictable, and mind-numbingly dull. The result is another cinematic IP with little horsepower or imagination, and it’s on a road to nowhere.

The new Apple TV streaming film Matchbox the Movie premieres October 9th!

Matchbox The Movie Review: John Cena Stars in Yet Another IP on a Predictable Road to Nowhere