Etiquette 101: The I dos and don’ts of wedding manners

The rules of wedding etiquette have changed over the years. One thing that has stayed the same is the guests are there to support the happy couple. Al Elmes/Unsplash

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Social media protocols, honeymoon fund contributions, dress codes — wedding etiquette has probably shifted since you tied the knot. What was considered proper a few decades ago may now seem outdated or even inappropriate. Here are the new rules of engagement.

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“The mistakes I see all stem from outdated assumptions,” explains Nick Bramer, co-owner and marketing director, Country House Weddings. “Modern weddings are more personalized, which means guests need a fresh understanding of boundaries and what’s expected of them.”

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RSVP responsibilities

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Even if you receive a printed invitation, it’s now standard to RSVP via a website or email. This helps the couple stay organized and reduces costs.

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“It’s a lot more efficient since we’ve gone to email. You can track it. Once guests respond, it immediately goes into a spreadsheet,” says Dawn St. Germain, who has co-ordinated both her father’s and daughter’s weddings in the past year.

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Don’t assume you can bring a plus-one unless explicitly stated. Even if you’ve got mother-in-law status, resist the urge to invite additional guests without consulting the couple first. And if your children aren’t named on the invitation, the wedding is adults-only.

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Julia Weber, an Ottawa-based content creator, recommends guests review the couple’s wedding website thoroughly before reaching out. Chances are, your question is already answered there.

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“A lot of those questions are last-minute, and the closer to the wedding date, the more questions you get during an already busy time,” she notes.

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Social media minefield

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The desire to share moments instantly has created new boundaries guests must respect. Never post photos before the couple does.

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“I’ve seen couples distressed when personal moments — their first kiss, first look, or first dance are posted by guests before they’ve returned from their honeymoon,” Bramer shares. “It’s their moment to share when they’re ready. Once they’ve shared photos, you can too.”

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If the couple requests an unplugged ceremony, honour it and put your phone away. And before posting group shots, ask. Not everyone wants to appear on social media.

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Money matters

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The average Canadian wedding costs between $30,000 and $42,000, according to WeddingWire Canada and The Knot’s 2025 Global Report. To minimize costs, couples lean on their networks.

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“Friends and family are now more involved in executing the tasks needed to pull off a wedding. People good with a computer might be able to design place cards. At my dad’s recent wedding, we tapped friends and family to be the photographers and DJs,” notes St. Germain.

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Dawn St. Germain

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If the couple has a registry, use it. Cash gifts are now widely accepted and often preferred, particularly for couples who already live together, which, according to Canada’s 2017 General Social Survey, described 39 per cent of married Canadians aged 25 to 64. Contribution toward a honeymoon fund are equally welcome.