DEAR ABBY: Son feels shunned by father over physical appearance

Man realizes that his dad disliked him because of his cleft lip and cleft palate

Published Sep 05, 2026  •  Last updated 26 minutes ago  •  3 minute read

A man realizes that his father disliked him because of his cleft lip and cleft palate. Photo by SB Arts Media /Adobe Stock

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DEAR ABBY: I am a 62-year-old man. I was born with a cleft lip and cleft palate. Growing up, I had several surgeries and much dental work to improve my appearance. I had wonderful friends who never teased me about it.

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Now, looking back at my childhood, I realize that my father hated me because of the way I looked when I was born. He has never asked me to spend time with him and was always angry with me. Even now, when he sees me, I can feel the hatred he has toward me. I really hate being around him, but I sometimes have to see him at family gatherings. How should I handle this? — ANGRY AND CONFUSED

DEAR ANGRY AND CONFUSED: Start by remembering to cherish your wonderful friends and consider yourself lucky to have so little contact with dear old Dad. Handle family functions by limiting your direct interaction with him. Be cordial, but maintain a comfortable distance. Focus on the rest of the family and enjoy their company. Many families have members who don’t get along, but it doesn’t have to cause drama.

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DEAR ABBY: Several weeks ago, I got a phone call from a stranger. She asked if I was the “Steve Hall” who had been in the Marines, and whom she remembered from high school. I told her I was not, and that I grew up in a different part of the country. Then I got a letter from her, asking essentially the same thing. She called again, and I repeated my answer and wished her luck.

I’m writing because I am concerned for her. She appears obsessive or perhaps very forgetful. She seems able to use the internet and make phone calls, she is calm and polite, her letters are brief and lucid, and she has neat handwriting. Like I said, though, her persistence seems odd. I’m just a little concerned. What would you do in this situation? — STEWING STRANGER

DEAR STRANGER: This interaction has all the signs of a scam. You have already allowed this person to identify you as someone who answers calls from unknown numbers. If you mentioned the letter to her, you have verified the physical address that goes with your phone number.

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Be aware that the caller herself may not perpetrate the scam. She may be merely a scout who identifies possible victims for the real scammers. In the future, block all calls from unknown numbers. Also be wary of mail from unexpected sources. Do not respond to any offer that seems too good to be true or to anyone demanding payments that don’t make sense to you.

DEAR ABBY: I am approaching 80 and am healthy and fairly active. When I look in the mirror, I see a pleasant-looking old woman, but when photos are taken at holidays, I look even older than I am — and scary — like the granny in the old Addams Family comics. What do you suppose is wrong with these modern cameras? — BETTER THAN THAT IN ATLANTA

DEAR BETTER THAN THAT: The problem is they are taking photos in high definition. However, this problem is easily solved. You can ask the photographer to touch up the photos electronically to make everyone appear flawless, or you can wear sunglasses while viewing them.

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