DEAR ABBY: Recuperating elder does not need a houseguest

DEAR ABBY: My father is in his mid-80s. He has been to the hospital several times in the last month because of age-related medical conditions. A family member is vacationing here and wants to stay at dad’s house for a week instead of a hotel or bed-and-breakfast. Dad told me he’s not feeling up to it, but he doesn’t know how to tell them without upsetting them.

I passed this message to the family member, and they agreed. A week later, they announced that they were going to come anyway and would be there on a certain date. How do I explain that this is too much for him? Having guests stay at your house is a lot of work and can create a lot of stress. — GET A ROOM

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DEAR GET A ROOM: It was presumptuous of this family member to invite themselves in the first place. It is beyond the pale to insist on coming after being told they would be a burden to your ailing father. Your dad’s health and well-being must come first, so stop worrying about upsetting this person. Suggest a nice place for them to stay when they come to town, and be as blunt as necessary when you tell them they are not staying with your dad.

DEAR ABBY: I am a widow in my early 60s. I have had a best friend for 50 years. For the most part, we get along great and rarely have disagreements, partly because I don’t like conflict or confrontation. I usually let it go if I do not agree with something she has said. Recently, she made a comment I found disturbing and personally derogatory. I immediately called her out on it, and we had a strongly worded argument. We haven’t spoken since. I can’t decide whether to give her a call to try to smooth things out. If I do, I worry she may continue to belittle me. What do you think? — GROOVY MAMA

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DEAR GROOVY: Do you miss your friend? It seems like you would like to give her another chance. I say give her a call. You don’t have to mention the insult. Just invite her to a meal or other activity you both enjoy, and try to have a good time. If she doesn’t manage her tongue better, calmly ask her to stop hurting your feelings. Be clear that if she keeps it up, there will be no more chances.

DEAR ABBY: When I expect a visitor, it seems like I’m always rushing to be ready on time and, at the last minute, I need to use the bathroom. If it’s someone I don’t know well, or maybe someone I have never met, I debate whether I should dash to the bathroom and leave a note on the door saying, “I’ll be there in a few minutes,” or wait for the person to come in and immediately excuse myself. I worry that if my guest is late, I may be uncomfortable. What would be the best way to handle this? — NATURE CALLING

DEAR NATURE CALLING: When nature calls, one cannot ignore it. If you would be comfortable inviting the person in and telling them you’ll be with them “in a minute,” I think it would be more hospitable than leaving a note on your door.

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