DEAR ABBY: Daughter devastated by breakup with cheating boyfriend

Published Jan 11, 2025  •  Last updated 0 minutes ago  •  2 minute read

A parent wants to help their daughter struggling after a breakup. Photo by file photo /Getty Images

DEAR ABBY: My 18-year-old daughter recently broke up with her boyfriend. She caught him on the phone talking with another female, and there were other signs of his cheating as well. She’s devastated, and so am I. I really liked the guy, but he obviously didn’t care for my daughter or her feelings.

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I told my daughter everything will be OK in time. But there are many memories of him, so it’s hard for her. He sent her a message to apologize, but afterward, he blocked her. He also blocked her on Instagram. She doesn’t understand why. I said maybe the other girl told him to or he doesn’t want anything to do with her anymore. How can I help my daughter through this crisis? — LOVE HURTS IN NEW YORK

DEAR LOVE HURTS: Suggest to your daughter that if she has mementoes of this romance, she should get rid of them or put them somewhere she won’t see them. The same is true for music that reminds her of him. People get past these painful experiences by staying busy and not allowing themselves time to brood. Encourage her to socialize with friends and remain active. As to why this young man apologized and then blocked her, I’m guessing he apologized because he felt guilty, and then blocked her because he wants to move on.

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DEAR ABBY: Our daughter and son-in-law live with us. She’s painting the interior to update our 27-year-old house and wants to update the cabinets at her expense. Every time she tries to make things look better, her daddy gets angry and accuses her of trying to take over “his” house before he’s dead. (This is not true.) He says if you ask anyone, they would agree with him. I say he’s wrong. What do we do? — SPRUCING UP IN INDIANA

DEAR SPRUCING UP: If your daughter and her husband wish to paint and install new cabinets only in the area of the house they occupy, your husband should contain his anger. If your daughter is trying to do more than that with the idea that at some point, she will inherit the place, your husband’s anger may be justified. You are all adults. Find a way to discuss this and reach a compromise.

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DEAR ABBY: My mom is starting to drive me crazy. She thinks that in order for me to consider myself a successful career woman, I need a job that has steady, consistent hours, offers health benefits and has a retirement plan.

I have a job, but because of the pandemic, my hours are temporarily staggered. I have no benefits, but I can manage that stuff (insurance and retirement) on my own. How do I make my mom understand that and stop treating me like a little kid with no plans for my future? — AT WITS’ END IN MARYLAND

DEAR AT WITS’ END: It’s a mother’s job to worry about her children, so be patient with her. If your reassurance isn’t enough to stop her comments, show her the paperwork that supports your case.

— Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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