DEAR ABBY: Couple quarrels over sharing of inheritance

An advice-seeker's generosity can only go so far

Published Jun 15, 2026  •  Last updated 25 minutes ago  •  3 minute read

A frustrated elderly couple are arguing about money. Photo by fizkes /Adobe Stock

DEAR ABBY: My father passed away and left me a large sum of money. One of the first things I did was pay off my husband’s debts totaling over $140,000. I also paid off my vehicle. I also paid $600,000 in cash for the home we live in.

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For Christmas, I want to give each of my three adult children $10,000 from me and their grandfather. My husband (of one year) asked if I was planning on giving his two adult children the same. I replied no, which was not well received.

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His children never even met my father. Am I wrong here? I don’t feel his adult children are entitled to my inheritance. My husband commented that my father (who married my mother and adopted me at 3 years old) gave me the same amount as each of my brothers and sister. Well, Abby, that man was my father for 57 years. I do not feel it’s the same as his adult children, whom I didn’t raise.

I have met his son only a handful of times, and I have been more than generous to his daughter and our 2-year-old granddaughter. If I’m wrong, I will admit it and make amends. This is causing great stress on our relationship, and he refuses to go to marriage counseling with me. What do you think? — NOT THE SAME IN THE EAST

DEAR NOT THE SAME: I agree with you that the situation is not the same. Your husband’s children are not entitled to a share of your inheritance. Because your husband refuses to see a marriage counselor with you does not mean you shouldn’t go, which is what I am urging you to do in order to find clarity and learn how to move forward from this extremely awkward situation.

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DEAR ABBY: I’m a senior in high school, and I have had a certain friend since sixth grade. I’m a Democrat; she’s a Republican. Until lately, we’ve been able to put our differences aside, but recently, we’ve had a few clashes because of our political differences.

Given how bad things are today and how much worse they might get, I struggle to ignore these issues. I’ve also noticed a few people say they dislike me because they think I believe the same way as her. I don’t want to end our friendship over something like this, but I don’t see how it can continue much longer. Please help me make the right decision. — MORALLY TORN FRIEND

DEAR FRIEND: There’s an old saying that politics and religion are not appropriate topics for polite conversation. Now you know why.

There are two ways to resolve this. You can sit down with your friend and agree to disagree. Then promise you will avoid discussing politics from now on. The other option is to thank each other for a friendship that was great while it lasted. Then let each other go.

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DEAR READERS: Were you between 16 and 25 years old when you had a baby? A group of healthcare specialists who work with young parents and their children want young families to receive the best possible healthcare support and treatment. They need to hear about your experiences when you went to get healthcare for yourself or your children. Your experiences will be used to help improve the system. Please go to this site to share your experience: tinyurl.com/mr3rwj9f. — LOVE, ABBY

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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