Why an Ottawa city councillor carried a baby for a gay couple in Spain

Stéphanie Plante wanted to bring some joy into the world eight years ago as a surrogate. The experience has helped shape her work at city hall.

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Published Oct 19, 2024  •  Last updated 0 minutes ago  •  6 minute read

Ottawa city councillor for Rideau-Vanier, Stéphanie Plante, captured at Cindy Mitchell Park in Sandy Hill on Sunday, Oct. 13, 2024. Photo by Ashley Fraser /POSTMEDIA

The little girl blows kisses and, in practised English, says thank you for the gifts. “I love you,” she adds, waving as the video ends. Stéphanie Plante puts down her phone and smiles.

As Ottawa councillor for Rideau-Vanier ward since 2022, Plante’s work life includes policies and budgets and helping residents with problems big and small. “I have learned a lot about food banks.”

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But Martina, the little girl sending a thank you video from Spain where she lives with her two dads, is also part of Plante’s life. And that connection has given the 45-year-old city councilor a rare perspective in Canadian politics.

In 2016, before she entered municipal politics, Plante became a gestational surrogate for a gay couple. It was her way, she says, of trying to bring some joy into the world during what was a difficult time in her own life and beyond.

Her marriage had imploded and she was a single mother to her young son. As she later wrote in a piece published in Today’s Parent magazine, it was a terrible year. (She cites Trump’s election victory, Brexit and the death of rock star Prince, in addition to her marriage breakdown, as factors). The article was titled: Why Donald Trump and a bad divorce made me decide to become a surrogate.

“As (the year) drew to a close, I started thinking about what I could do to counteract all of that terrible. I wanted to look back on that year and think, ‘Yeah, I put something good in the world’,” she wrote.

Around that time, Plante saw a post on social media from a man who had once been an exchange student at the University of Windsor where she attended. He was from Spain and had been travelling in the U.S. When she asked about his trip, he said he and his partner were supposed to meet with a surrogate, but it didn’t work out.

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Plante jokingly said she wasn’t doing anything and asked if he wanted to chat about it. They talked and the process of becoming a gestational (with no biological connection to the child) surrogate began.  She underwent two IVF transfers at a private clinic in Toronto. The second one took and by the end of December 2016, she learned she was pregnant.

Plante was working at the University of Ottawa at the time and, during the pregnancy, she started dating the man who would become her husband. She also had a young son. She quickly realized that keeping her decision to become a surrogate a secret would not be an option.

“I didn’t ever want my son to feel like this is weird that my mommy is pregnant and she is not keeping the baby. I spoke very openly about it. I told anyone who would listen. I was just very honest because I thought that was the best way to deal with it.”

People she spoke to were curious about surrogacy. “Most people had questions.”

Plante felt strongly about helping a gay couple who wanted a child, especially after a mass shooting at a gay nightclub in Orlando that left 49 people dead and 53 wounded.

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“I wanted to help normalize two men having a son or a daughter and raising her. When you normalize all families, you have to build your society around that.”

Through participation in surrogacy groups and speaking about her experience, Plante says she has also heard many stories about people who seek a surrogate after years of struggling with infertility. For many of those parents, surrogacy is a last chance.

“This is a kind of last whistle-stop for many of them. I wish more people knew that because these stories are absolutely heartbreaking.”

And Plante says carrying the baby also helped her get through a difficult time.

“In a weird way, it nourished me too. I think she saved me. I needed her as much as she needed me,” said Plante of the pregnancy. It helped ensure she took care of herself, got enough sleep and generally got her life in order after a period of shock and sadness when her marriage ended.

And Plante said she knew she would be OK with carrying the baby and giving her up to her fathers.

In the days leading up to the baby’s birth, Plante says she was “bloated and looking like a Michelin Man.” She was told to take it easy, and did. But as a final outing before the birth, she attended the 2017 Pride parade.

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“I thought, I am pregnant with a gay couple’s kid. I have to go watch the Pride parade.”

Rideau-Vanier ward councillor Stephanie Plante with newborn Martina, the little girl she carried as a surrogate for her fathers. Photo by Provided

For the cesarean birth, Plante’s husband (then boyfriend) was with her and the fathers were in a nearby room. “My husband was there when the baby was handed to them.”

He also took a video of the moment. “They looked up after 15 seconds and said ‘Is Stéphanie OK?’ The nurse said yes, she is fine, and then they looked back at the baby.

“It was beautiful. Sometimes when I am having a bad day, I just watch the video of them crying and holding her.”

Plante continues to have a close bond with the family who live and raise now seven-year-old Martina in Madrid. They are in “constant touch”, texting each other multiple times a week. Sometimes Plante gets messages from Martina about her day, about her life, about the fact that she didn’t like what was served for dinner. The family visited Canada last year.

Stephanie Plante with Martina, the little girl she carried as a surrogate for her fathers. Photo by Supplied

They will continue to be parts of each other’s lives, even from a distance, she says.

It is illegal to pay a surrogate in Canada, but surrogates are reimbursed for pregnancy-related expenses. In some cases, surrogacy agencies manage a trust to handle the expenses. While some see surrogacy as altruistic, similar to living organ donors, there are also critics of the process who say that surrogacy is under-regulated and lacks proper oversight and transparency. It also raises complex ethical issues.

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Plante has spoken frequently about being a surrogate – making her a rare public voice on the issue, especially among politicians. She has participated in discussions and sessions on how the legislative and policy framework of surrogacy could be improved.

Stephanie Plante with Martina, the little girl she carried as a surrogate for her fathers. Photo by Provided

Her experience, she says, helped shape the work she now does as city councillor to Rideau-Vanier. Plante, the daughter of a francophone auto worker in the Windsor area, says her blue-collar roots have helped her better understand some of the economic struggles residents she works with are dealing with.

“I feel deeply about people who are having some kind of a setback and just need a helping hand.”

Being a surrogate for a gay couple has made Pride celebrations even more important to Plante.

In August, when Capital Pride was embroiled in a controversy after releasing a pro-Palestinian statement, Plante posted her own statement on the social media platform X, saying she wanted to acknowledge “two very important people who inspire me every day.”

One was Ottawa’s first drag queen and Lowertown resident Paul Fournier, known as Peaches Latour, who refused to identify friends who were gay after being arrested by the RCMP in the 1960s. Plante nominated him for the Order of Ottawa this year. She also talked about being a surrogate.

“As many of you know, I was a gestational surrogate. Watching her amazing dads raise her is the most heartwarming experience. All families are created equal!”

Plante later said that she wanted to tell a personal story “about why we celebrate Pride. Everybody has a story.”

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