I’m 60 and ashamed that my husband is aging better than me. Am I too vain? | Ask Rebecca

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Recently, I caught my reflection in the toaster — the toaster! — and wondered who invited my 80-year-old mother over. I now avoid any reflective surfaces, including elevator doors, windows, cars and spoons.

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Women spend a small fortune, not to mention thousands of hours, on hair, Botox, skincare and researching at-home micro-needling kits. For what? The hope of hearing the ultimate compliment: “You look well-rested.”

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Honestly, 60 per cent of my beauty maintenance-upkeep is because it makes me feel good. The other 40 per cent? I do it for my husband. Like you and so many women, I’ve become more self-conscious knowing that my husband — who’s nine years older — has turned into a George Clooney “silver fox.”

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I completely get why this stings. Aging men get promoted to “silver fox.” Women get bombarded with ads for collagen, neck cream and age-defying serums on our iPhones.

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Here’s the interesting part, though. Nowhere do you write that your husband has become less attracted to you. In fact, you write the exact opposite. He’s affectionate, tells you you’re beautiful, and never criticizes your appearance. You believe he means it. So, believe him!

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Of course, he notices you don’t look 35 anymore. But does that change how he sees you? Based on everything you’ve written, I don’t think it does. It seems the only person who’s become less attracted to you in your marriage is you. I suggest borrowing his eyes for a while. They seem far kinder than yours.

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In healthy long marriages, attraction evolves. It becomes less about flawless skin and more about shared history, inside jokes, loyalty, and the person who still knows exactly how you take your coffee.

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You’re asking, like many of us, why does a man who buys running shoes, discovers the gym and protein powder at 60, lets his hair go silver, suddenly become hotter? It’s annoying. Actually, it’s infuriating. But the right thing to do is to ask, ‘If my husband gained weight, lost his hair or looked older tomorrow, would I love him any less?” I’m willing to bet your answer is no.

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Your husband aging well doesn’t diminish your beauty. And let’s not pretend men aren’t vain too. Trust me, men care.

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Do what I do. Whenever I’m feeling insecure or start feeling sorry for myself, I remember that my husband isn’t exactly Benjamin Button. He shaves his back, says “What?” on repeat, and we need an entire conversation on whether he should bring his knee brace to walk the dog.

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I say, enjoy being 60. One day, I promise, you’ll be 70 and look back at photos of yourself and wonder, “What was I so worried about? I looked pretty good at 60!” Then at age 80, you’ll wish you looked like you did when you were 70. Women are almost always kinder to our younger selves.

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But it’s helpful to remind yourself that if this is the biggest complaint in your marriage — that your husband is becoming more handsome — you should probably count your blessings.

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And have you seen George Clooney lately? He also got older. Even George Clooney couldn’t outrun George Clooney.

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Love Rebecca

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Rebecca Eckler is an internationally bestselling author, founder of re:books publishing, Rivkah Books, and co-founder of CANREADS. She’s a professional oversharer and observer of human behaviour, and has spent decades writing about life’s messy twists. 

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