DEAR ABBY: Husband chooses to make music with another woman

Published Oct 18, 2024  •  Last updated 0 minutes ago  •  2 minute read

A wife struggles to be supportive of her husband's music career when she is jealous of his bandmate. Photo by file photo /Getty Images

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I used to play in a band together. He played guitar, and I sang. He now has another female singer in his band, and I can hardly contain my feelings. In the beginning, he was invited into an existing band she was already in, and he accepted. But then, that band broke up and reformed, and he kept the girl in it. He knows how badly I have wanted to sing again. I tried endlessly to resurrect us as a duo or a starter band, but getting him to work with me was like pulling teeth.

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I was a singer in my own right before him and since, but he has never been honest with me about why he doesn’t want me to perform with him again. This has affected my confidence so much I have virtually given up singing. It kills me that I’ve relinquished my artistic identity over this. The thing is, he’s just a local player — this is not the big time. He had his heyday years ago, and she’s just average. They don’t have a following or crowds lining up to see them.

I have tried to be supportive because he needed the confidence. But I’m like two people — the supportive wife and the manipulative green-eyed monster. To add insult to injury, she’s made clear that she doesn’t like me by unfriending me on social media. She named the band after herself, and posts provocative pictures of herself in the band all over the internet. I hate feeling like this. I don’t like who I am. Do you have any advice? — JEALOUS IN PENNSYLVANIA

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DEAR JEALOUS: Although the band was your husband’s in the beginning, at the end of your letter you state that the vocalist has named the band after herself — which leads me to believe the band is now hers and he is her employee. The fact that this new band isn’t doing particularly well may mean that it won’t last much longer. You had a singing career before you met your husband. It may be time to consider resurrecting it and reclaiming your own artistic identity.

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DEAR ABBY: Our daughter was widowed a number of years ago. She’s now getting married for the second time. She and her fiance are financially stable. They both have good jobs and are financing the wedding themselves. They have plenty of furniture and other household items.

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My question is, what can we give them as a wedding present, or how can we help them? Would it be appropriate to offer to pay for the wedding cake and champagne for the reception? Any other suggestions would be appreciated. — PARENTS OF THE BRIDE

DEAR PARENTS: Why not propose your idea and ask if your daughter has any other ideas about how you can be helpful. Because she and her fiance have good jobs and are financing the wedding themselves, consider offering to buy them something for their new home, such as an appliance, or to contribute toward their honeymoon.

— Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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