DEAR ABBY: Fiance’s ex-wife carries decades-old grudge

Published Jan 09, 2025  •  Last updated 0 minutes ago  •  2 minute read

Childish behaviour from a husband's ex is complicating family gatherings. Photo by file photo /Getty Images

DEAR ABBY: My fiance’s daughter is having a baby. Her mother is helping give the shower. My fiance and his ex have been divorced for 21 years. She was the one who cheated, asked for the divorce and kicked him out. She threatened not to attend her daughter’s wedding because he was bringing me. We have been together nine years now.

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I am not invited to the shower because the ex doesn’t want me there. It’s not even being held at her home. His daughter likes me but doesn’t want to upset her mom. I think it’s time for the ex to grow up and get a life. I told my fiance the whole thing is childish, but now I no longer want to go to the shower because you can’t like me one day and then not the next. What should I do? — EX ISSUES IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR EX ISSUES: Be the adult your fiance’s ex isn’t. Suck it up and make plans with some of your friends so you’re not sitting alone feeling sorry for yourself while the baby shower is happening. Buy a nice present for the little one, offer it to the mother at some other time and don’t make waves.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently in a traumatic car crash (hit head-on by a drunk driver within a mile of my home). It resulted in my right leg being broken in multiple places. I bought a car with the insurance claim. Within a month and without warning, my mother bought me the exact same car that was totaled in the accident. The catch is, my mother expects me to sell the car I purchased and give her the proceeds.

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First, this was portrayed as a gift. Now it seems like it’s a debt hanging over my head. Would it be rude or selfish of me to keep the car I bought, or keep the money if I decide to sell? The stimulus checks have been helpful, but my financial future is up in the air because of the life-altering accident. — INJURED IN INDIANA

DEAR INJURED: Keep the car you purchased. Tell your mother you know she meant well. Then GIVE her back the car SHE bought, as well as the keys and the pink slip, so she can do whatever she wants with it. If you do, it will cause less conflict.

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DEAR ABBY: I am having a problem with love. I like two boys. The problem is they are best friends, and I have already kissed them both. I don’t know what to do. We aren’t dating. I can’t choose, because if I date one of them the other will be angry with me and with his friend. Help me, please. — WORRIED STUDENT IN SPAIN

DEAR STUDENT: You are lucky that you have youth and the freedom to choose. Regardless of which of the boys you pick, there will be problems. That’s why I suggest you get romantically involved with neither one, find someone else to “love” and refrain from kissing that person’s friends. Buena suerte!

— Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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