Book review: Here with You a grim story of despair as a warrior mother struggles to save her child

It is a grim story, full of moments of rage and despair and — always, always — a warrior mother’s struggle to save her child

Published Aug 30, 2024  •  Last updated 0 minutes ago  •  2 minute read

Kathy Wagner Photo by Jenn Fon

Here With You

Kathy Wagner  |  Douglas & McIntyre

$26.95 | 335pp.

The numbers are horrific. Since B.C. declared a drug crisis in 2016, more than 14,000 British Columbians have died from drug overdose, mainly from fentanyl and other toxic elements of the underground drug supply, with 2,511 killed in 2023. Across Canada, the government counts 44,592 toxic drug deaths since 2016, mainly in B.C., Alberta, and Ontario.

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But statistics make the eyes glaze over and the heart grow numb. Every one of those cold statistics represents someone’s child, friend, fellow worker or beloved. We desperately need to remember the human particularity of every one of the lost if we are ever to find  a solution to this ongoing human disaster.

Kathy Wagner’s Here With You: A Memoir of Love, Family, and Addiction gives the reader one specific and heart-rending portrait: the story of her son Tristan, who died of a fentanyl overdose in 2017 at age 21.

It is a grim story, full of moments of rage and despair, the usual addiction-related sordid failures, thefts, lies, and squalor, glimmers of hope and – always, always — a warrior mother’s struggle to save her child and her child’s battle to reclaim his life.

Anyone who has wrestled with their own addiction, or the addiction of someone they love will recognize elements of Wagner’s story and grieve with her. Tristan was a sensitive child, kind and generous. He grew up to love martial arts training, fine cuisine cooking and, over time, his connection to friends he made in his various attempts at recovery. Every day without using is a victory against addiction, and Tristan had many such days, but in the end, the dark undertow took him down before his 22d birthday.

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But this is not Tristan’s story in isolation. Wagner is a keen observer, and she provides a rich context for the triumphs and tragedies of her son’s struggles with addiction. She recognizes, with admirable honesty and deep compassion, her own addictive patterns and need for recovery, and those of her surviving children. And her stories about the people in Tristan’s recovery community as well as her daughter’s struggle with addiction are perceptive and moving.

Nothing is wasted in this remarkable book. Every detail observed, remembered, and recounted is a grace note in a larger picture of brave, imperfect people doing the best they can in terrible circumstances. There are important lessons and examples here for us all.

Tom Sandborn lives and writes in Vancouver. He welcomes your feedback and story tips at [email protected].

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