SEX FILES: Digital divorce: Hand back the keys and passwords after you breakup

While breakups are a normal part of life, they can also leave behind serious digital security risks.

Published Aug 09, 2026  •  Last updated 23 minutes ago  •  4 minute read

While breakups are a normal part of life, they can also leave behind serious digital security risks. Photo by Custard Pixel /Adobe Stock

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Two years after my ex and I split, and I moved out of our shared home, we shared the same streaming account. It wasn’t a question of cost; both of us were making enough money to afford the $9.99 per month that gave us access to all-you-can-binge episodes of Breaking Bad. I think a small part of me liked that we still connected, at least digitally. But when I saw he added his new girlfriend as a user, I knew it was time. I cancelled the shared account and signed up for my own account under a different email.

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I used to be embarrassed by my digital lingering, until I learned how common it is. After the boxes are packed and keys have been returned, many of us forget — or, in some cases, intentionally forget — to give back the most important thing: our passwords — a process relationship experts have dubbed “digital divorce.”

While continuing to share a streaming account with an ex may seem innocuous enough, and a budget-friendly show of good faith — after all, the price of these services continues to climb — it may present unintended emotional, financial, and physical safety concerns — especially if it’s not just your Apple TV password you’re sharing.

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“While breakups are a normal part of life, they can also leave behind serious digital security risks. This is especially true for couples who have shared not only a home, but also passwords, accounts, and connected devices,” says Karolis Arbaciauskas, head of product at cybersecurity company NordPass and its parent organization Nord Security.

Secure all accounts after breakup

Continuing to share a streaming service is the least of your concerns. After a breakup, NordPass recommends securing email, financial, shopping, streaming, and cloud accounts. Change passwords and recovery details, update multi-factor authentication and device PINs, remove shared cards, sign out all devices, turn off location sharing, and revoke access to smart-home technology. “The real danger lies in digital lingering — where ex-partners retain access to sensitive accounts, leading to a growing number of digital stalking cases,” he adds.

Given the risks, why do many of us drag our heels on initiating digital divorce?

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“For some people, retained access is about control — a way to keep monitoring, influencing, or having leverage over an ex-partner even after the relationship has ended, sometimes consciously and sometimes not,” explains Vanessa Cushing, a Licensed Professional Counsellor and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, and founder of Cushing Counselling LLC.

However, for other people, it’s genuinely about attachment. “Checking a location or a streaming ‘recently watched’ list can be a way of staying tethered to someone when the brain and body haven’t caught up to the fact that the relationship is over,” says Cushing.

The problem is that most people can’t clearly identify which camp they fall into. “Which is part of why the access needs to be removed rather than relied on for self-restraint,” Cushing says.

There’s also a third scenario where couples who co-parent may choose to keep digital connections intact. However, there’s a big difference between sharing a streaming password and monitoring the movements of your ex and/or children without them knowing.

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“Once that access makes either you or your child fearful, pressured, or watched without permission, it is no longer harmless; It is crossing an extremely personal boundary,” says Dr. Shannon Franklin, Co-Founder & Director of Clinical Training at Element Q Healing.

Explicit consent

The line between harmless “digital lingering” and behaviour that should be recognized as stalking, harassment, or coercive control comes down to two words: explicit consent. If two consenting adults agree to keep some level of digital connection, that’s one thing.

“However, when this type of access is utilized for surveillance or manipulation of an ex-partner without their consent, it represents serious concerns regarding the psychological and relational health of the individual,” says Dr. Candice Cooper-Lovett, a Relationship expert at Private Sugar Club, with a PhD in Couples and Family Therapy and a Master’s degree in Marriage and Family Therapy.

In abusive situations, such as above, a digital divorce can pose its own safety risks. If a partner has monitored you before, expressed possessiveness over your whereabouts or reacted negatively to past attempts at independence, Cushing recommends working with a domestic abuse advocate who can advise on how to cut digital ties safely.

However, if you’re wondering whether your “harmless” digital lingering has crossed a line, Cushing suggests asking, “Would the other person be comfortable if they knew exactly what you were doing with the access right now?”

Even if your intentions aren’t malicious, if the answer is “no,” it’s time to cut the digital cord — for their sake and yours.

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