DEAR ABBY: Younger neighbour passes judgment of seniors

Published Nov 01, 2025  •  Last updated 18 minutes ago  •  2 minute read

A reader who borrowed money from an elderly neighbour dismisses seniors for being "cranky." Photo by stock photo /Getty Image

DEAR ABBY: My neighbour is 80. She’s my political opposite. She’s known me since I was 13. Her husband died 10 or so years ago. All she does all day is stay inside her house (even when it’s sunny) and watch TV news. I try to be nice to her because she’s alone and probably depressed, but sometimes I want to curse her to high heaven. 

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I borrowed $40 from her and told her I’d give it back the next day. Well, I didn’t get paid until two days later. I saw her in the driveway the next day, and she angrily asked, “Where’s my money?” I told her the story and got it back to her promptly. 

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We want to check on elderly folks, but sometimes they’re nasty and cranky, and I just want to leave her alone. My mom died at 89, and she was NEVER like that. What gives with some of these older people? — NEIGHBOUR IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR NEIGHBOUR: I’ll give you a clue about “what gives” with your neighbour. You asked to borrow $40 from a retired senior, promising to return the money in 24 hours. When the money wasn’t forthcoming, she became annoyed and concerned. Stop blaming all seniors for the way one of them reacted when you didn’t keep your word, and you will have fewer problems with them.

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DEAR ABBY: I’m a middle-aged adult with a dilemma about a friend who lacks social awareness. I had told her in the past that I had a problem with a mutual friend, “Michelle,” whom I found toxic and disrespectful of my family. She responded that it was my issue, not Michelle’s, so I distanced myself from both of them for a few months. 

Later, she suddenly texted me for a lunch she wanted to have with the three of us. At the time, I was burying my mother-in-law and didn’t respond immediately. The next day, she insisted on an answer as the lunch was in a few days. I responded that I was “unavailable for the foreseeable future,” and for them to enjoy. 

How do I sever this relationship with these clueless women of luxury? If I keep saying I’m unavailable, they’ll ask when I WILL be available. To make matters worse, they like to get together for traditional holiday luncheons and dinners with their spouses. I feel drained of energy after I’ve been in their company. Please help. — PULLING AWAY IN PENNSYLVANIA

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DEAR PULLING AWAY: You have two choices regarding how to handle this. The first is to continue being “busy,” and when asked when you will be available, tell them you don’t know. The other would be to bite the bullet and tell them that you no longer enjoy those get-togethers and don’t want to participate in them anymore.

DEAR READERS: Time really flies! Daylight saving ends at 2 a.m. Sunday for most folks. If you are one of them, don’t forget to turn your clocks back one hour tonight at bedtime. And while you’re at it, be sure to put fresh batteries in your carbon monoxide and smoke detectors. — LOVE, ABBY 

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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