DEAR ABBY: Woman’s wallet empties as boyfriend’s problems pile up

An advice-seeker feels she is trapped into supporting a man

Published Apr 24, 2026  •  Last updated 19 minutes ago  •  2 minute read

A woman looks upset as she checks her wallet, revealing concern over her finances. Photo by Iryna Melnyk /Getty Images

DEAR ABBY: I am a 59-year-old divorced woman living with my 54-year-old boyfriend. We have lived together for seven months. He purchased the home we live in. Since we have lived here, I have made all the house payments. I also pay for the internet, utilities and all the groceries. We have four cats and five dogs between us. I feel like I’m supporting him. This was supposed to be a partnership in which we share the bills.

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He quit his manufacturing job to go to school for a commercial driver’s license. It lasted a month, but then he couldn’t find a better-paying job because of things on his driving record from many years ago. After he finally got a job, his employer surprised him with a drug test. He failed because he tested positive for marijuana.

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He said he smokes marijuana to cope with PTSD from his childhood. His employer said he would rehire him when he got treatment at a clinic, but he started smoking again as soon as he got out! He can’t go back to work until he’s clean. He can only do a drug test with a male watching to ensure the protocol for the CDL federal requirements. In addition, he has a $1,000-a-month truck payment and is behind on that. He will probably lose the truck and expect to drive my car. I refuse to allow him to run my car into the ground.

I feel like I’m trapped into supporting this man who can’t seem to keep a job. What should I do? — COULD KICK MYSELF IN ILLINOIS

DEAR COULD KICK: What you must do is understand that you cannot fix what is wrong with this man. Fortunately, you are not on the hook for the mortgage payments. Consider the monies you have paid to be tuition for some important life lessons. He is a loser who will never pull his own weight. Get away from him.

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DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend of five years refuses to give me a key to his place. It feels like he doesn’t want to fully commit and take the relationship to the next level. I’m tired of wasting my time, and I really want to break up. He is begging me to stay and give him more time, but I see no reason to.

He blames his previous marriage on his inability to fully commit and trust. He has been caught twice dealing with other females, and at this point, I see no reason to continue this relationship. I am 43, and he’s 45. Should I continue giving him more time or leave him where I found him? — OVERDUE IN WASHINGTON, DC.

DEAR OVERDUE: Five years is a long time to invest in a relationship that hasn’t moved forward, backward or in any direction. Because your boyfriend has trust issues, he should have spent some time and money on resolving them. If you’re fishing for a husband, throw this one back.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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