DEAR ABBY: Woman ends all contact with man amid red flags

Published Sep 23, 2024  •  Last updated 0 minutes ago  •  3 minute read

A woman feels guilty for ghosting a man. Photo by file photo /Getty Images

DEAR ABBY: When I came out of my introvert shell, I began trying to find a relationship. I went on a few dating websites and met some great guys and some not-so-great guys. One of the latter had been giving me red flags since our first date. We clicked at first and shared many of the same interests and hobbies, but he wanted to move WAY too fast.

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While our dates had always been in public places, he constantly wanted to get me alone, either at my house or his. He seemed put off when I asked if another friend could come. Then there came a time when my health was faltering, and our infrequent meetings became less important to me. I told him I was having health problems, but the next day he invited me out for another date like I hadn’t just told him.

He either began to ignore what I was saying, or I was noticing it more frequently. Because of this and other things, I quit responding to him. This has now spiraled out of control. He has contacted me on every social media app, on my phone and by email. I am upset for a number of reasons, but I feel guilty ignoring him.

My family and friends say I am doing the right thing — that responding to any of his communication will give him the idea that I’m open to communicating again. I do not want to start talking to him again, but I still feel awful about ignoring him completely. What should I do? — WONDERING WALLFLOWER

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DEAR WONDERING: You may be feeling guilty because you are ghosting him, which I believe is bad form. Send him a text or an email telling him you haven’t responded to his attempts to communicate because you are not interested in a relationship, and he must stop trying to contact you. Period. If he persists after that, you may have picked up a stalker, and you should file a police report.

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DEAR ABBY: Our son is engaged to marry a young lady our family can’t stand. No matter what we are discussing, she turns the conversation to long, boring stories about her friend, her aunt, her cousin, etc. Nobody cares about these stories, and they are constant. Our two daughters and their husbands roll their eyes and limit their time with her. My husband leaves the room. Even my 95-year-old mother, who is partially deaf, can’t be in her company.

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Our daughters think we should tell our son not to marry her, as it is ruining our close family. He doesn’t seem to notice it, seems to love her and will be hurt. Have you any suggestions? — STUMPED MOM IN THE EAST

DEAR STUMPED MOM: If you do what your daughters are suggesting, your son is almost guaranteed to be offended and become defensive. It could very likely alienate him and his fiancee. An alternative might be for you to talk privately with your son and point out that his fiancee needs to curtail her speeches because, in case he hasn’t noticed, they are so long that she has literally been losing her audience.

— Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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