DEAR ABBY: Elderly dad remains behind the wheel despite struggles

Published Sep 02, 2024  •  Last updated 0 minutes ago  •  2 minute read

An elderly man's refusal to give up driving is straining his relationship with his children. Photo by file photo /Getty Images

DEAR ABBY: I’m struggling to continue my relationship with my dad, who is in his 80s. He recently became very ill and nearly died. He was unable to walk for several months, and when he was finally able to start getting around, it was with a wheelchair and walker. Dad started driving his truck, although my brother and I strongly suggested it wasn’t safe for him. He wasn’t even able to get into the truck without assistance.

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A little history: Our mother was killed in a car accident when I was 14 and my brother was 18. She was hit by an elderly gentleman whose family admitted he shouldn’t have been driving.

So here’s the conflict: We have pleaded with Dad not to drive and endanger the lives of everyone on the road, including his own. Our stepmom refuses to take away the keys and even encourages him to drive despite the fact that we have asked them repeatedly to stop. He says he won’t have a wreck and it’s safe.

This is so hurtful. He continues to be selfish and completely ignores the fact that our mother died because of someone like him. What should I do? I know Dad doesn’t have much time left, but I’m struggling to keep our relationship going. — FED-UP DAUGHTER IN MISSISSIPPI

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DEAR DAUGHTER: Your father’s desire for independence may be stronger than his reason. If he needs assistance getting into his truck, who is there to help him when it’s time to exit the vehicle? Does his DOCTOR think it is safe for him to be driving? Consider posing this question to his doctor in writing.

You and your brother might also consider informing the police in your community that, because of his disability, you are afraid your father may pose a danger on the road. Because he refuses to listen, that’s all you and your brother can do.

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DEAR ABBY: Recently, my best friend, “Stuart,” found a new partner of the same gender. I’m happy he found someone with whom he has a deep connection and I admire his confidence in coming out. However, it has taken a toll on our friendship. When Stuart and I hang out, he brings his partner along. I usually wouldn’t mind having more people along, but Stuart and his partner are often intimate around me in public. I have expressed my discomfort and asked him to maintain some decorum and relationship boundaries, but he continues to act inappropriately.

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I don’t want to lose my friendship with him, but if he chooses his partner over me every single time, I see no other option. What should I do? — UNCOMFORTABLE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UNCOMFORTABLE: What do you mean by “intimate”? Are you describing handholding? Hugging? A quick peck on the cheek or lips? Or passionate embraces and expressions of affection usually confined to the bedroom? If it’s the latter, express your discomfort to Stuart again, or see them only in a less public setting.

— Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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