DEAR ABBY: Daughter uses father’s guilt to suit her needs and wants

Published Jan 02, 2025  •  Last updated 0 minutes ago  •  2 minute read

A daughter is caught in the middle of her parents' divorce. Photo by file photo /Getty Images

DEAR ABBY: I’ve been in a relationship with a man for the last five years. “Julian” came into my life after my husband passed. He is 65; I’m 45. Julian has two grown daughters, 36 and 27. The older one and I get along famously.

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Amber is somewhat immature. She has two small kids, and she’s her dad’s perfect, precious, can-do-no-wrong daughter. The unvarnished truth is that Amber is a snotty, judgmental woman who thinks she’s better than everyone. Because Julian wasn’t there while she was growing up, his guilt makes it especially hard for him to see her for who she is.

Amber and I do not care for each other, and the cracks are starting to show. She is becoming a bone of contention in the relationship because I cannot stand how she uses guilt to manipulate her dad. He was always a caring father and a good provider, if not always there physically.

I am at my wits’ end. She is driving a wedge into an otherwise good relationship. When I try speaking with Julian, he will hear nothing against her. I get that it’s his kid, but I am sick of her. The worst part is when she plays it off like she is innocent and perfect. Any advice? — HAD IT IN THE WEST

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DEAR HAD IT: Yes, I do have some. As you stated, in Julian’s eyes, his “little girl” is perfect and precious. You are not going to win this battle, so start backing off and find a new direction — or a new boyfriend. Please accept my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: After I retired and moved to a beach town, I invited my brother and sister-in-law to visit. They said they had a really good time, set up a tentative return visit and seemed appreciative. I’m used to living alone, so having people always around was uncomfortable for me. They are retired but work part time.

One of my brother’s jobs is with the company of a friend of mine where he had done some work in the past. I reconnected them, and my brother really enjoys it. But now he’s pressuring me to invite that friend and his wife to come here and stay at my place.
I think it’s out of line for anyone to suggest I invite anyone else to stay here. I wouldn’t have invited my brother and sister-in-law except that he’s family. (He actually gets on my nerves when I’m around him for long.) I ignored his suggestion and will continue unless he brings it up again. Is a nonresponse acceptable? — HESITANT HOST IN TEXAS

DEAR HOST: A nonresponse is a strong “hint” that someone is not receptive to a request or a suggestion. IF your brother raises the subject again, however, you will have to make it plain that you are not open to having anyone outside your immediate family stay in your home with you.

— Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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