Brownstein: Montreal writer takes a tumble in the snow and comes up with the title for her new book

Her life was proceeding — more or less — pleasantly until a winter walk with her dog put it into an entirely new perspective.

With Stephen King-like chilling precision, Janet Torge recalls tripping over some invisible object in the middle of the sidewalk — be it due to slipping on ice or her pooch pursuing a squirrel — and finding herself stunned, aching and immobile on the ground, searching frantically for a parking meter or fence “so you can drag your bag of bones into a vertical position.”

The horror, the horror. And one that will hit home for many.

And with her tumble came this realization: “I can’t believe I’m old.”

And so these words became the perfectly succinct title to Torge’s new book: I Can’t Believe I’m Old is part memoir/part instructional. This chronicle of her aging process, complemented by counsel for seniors, is extremely funny yet extremely frank with gusts to morose.

Those of us who have known Torge for decades may well have believed she was ageless. Torge has done everything over the years: she has produced a flurry of excellent TV documentaries; she has written a column for The Gazette; she penned a searing book, Dear Sam, about the tragic death of one of her two sons; she was a Radio Noon host at CBC Montreal; she helmed an overnight radio show on CFCF; she did radio traffic reports; she has been an activist on a variety of human-rights issues; she has even been a birth doula.

And that just covers her life in Montreal the last 40 years or so. Evidently, the first half of her existence in her native Ohio, Toronto and Vancouver was equally fraught with adventure, some of it rather madcap.

Without realizing this would ever lead to a book, Torge, now 79, began assembling her experiences in her Gazette column during her hazy/crazy 50s.

“One of the reasons I started the column was I couldn’t find anything helpful. All the stuff I ever saw written seemed to be only about trying to get you to 100,” Torge says in an interview. “Nobody was talking about falls or senior body issues.

“Even now, if you’re looking for a book, all they’re going to do is try to make you healthy. Nobody seems to talk about (everyday) memory loss. It’s a pain in the ass when you can’t remember someone’s name.”

After leaving The Gazette, Torge kept compiling her aging experiences.

“I think I did it mostly for psychological reasons, to make myself feel better. Then last year I realized I had a book.”

But typically Torge, an atypical book, veering off into different directions, a mix of levity and gravity, meshing together if not seamlessly, certainly refreshingly.

To her credit, Torge is not judgmental. She simply provides suggestions for what has worked for her over the years and what could work in the future.

“There’s no sequel,” says Janet Torge of her new book. “I could do something that’s never been done like I Can’t Believe I’m Dead, but don’t think that will work.” She is seen at her home in Montreal on Wednesday, May 13, 2026. John Mahoney / Montreal Gazette

Not surprisingly, she is putting together her own obituary. It will be more standup comic than lie-down maudlin. She would prefer this sort of obit she unearthed for one Harry Stamps, written by his daughter: “A ladies’ man who didn’t take fashion cues from anyone … He had a lifelong affair with devilled eggs, hated Martha Stewart and cats, and belonged to a Bacon of the Month Club …  Finally, the family asks that in honour of Harry, you write your Congressman and ask for the repeal of Day Light Saving Time.”

“Obituaries have been a big bugaboo for me for a long time,” Torge says. “I just hate them. They’re mostly so awful. But nobody really talks about them.

“But the other thing for me is stuff you love about being old that nobody really talks about, either. In my case, not freaking out as much anymore, handling life better. And I’m not afraid to say what I really think or say I haven’t had a partner for 30 years and that I don’t care. Also, I’m not afraid of death.”

Torge doesn’t have a self-edit button and is proud of it: “Damn, right!”

But it should be noted that while she may be peering toward her endgame, Torge, regardless of a few health issues, is not nearly there quite yet.

“This is not my dying memoir. I hope not. I mean, nobody has told me,” she quips. “I’m just dealing with the reality of seniors’ life and death.”

Though she may have given many the impression of being a sort of whirling dervish years back, she sees it differently.

“I just always saw myself as trying to stay busy. I don’t have any (university) degrees or anything, so I always had to do freelance work and I moved a lot. I had a lot of chutzpah,” says Torge, born in Hamilton, Ohio — “10 minutes away from J.D. Vance in Middletown, Ohio.”

On the TV documentary side alone, Torge was a force on a series of productions by the likes of Arnie Gelbart and Josh Freed. She started out as a researcher and ended up producing — no small feat for someone who never went to film school.

“I’m ridiculously organized, so that’s what led me there,” she says before quickly adding: “But now my reality is: no work. That’s the life of a freelancer my age.”

She does have this book: “But there’s no sequel. I could do something that’s never been done like I Can’t Believe I’m Dead, but don’t think that will work.”

After many years, Janet Torge says she has started playing piano again. She is seen at her home in Montreal on Wednesday, May 13, 2026. John Mahoney / Montreal Gazette

But never count Torge out. She has completed courses to be a death doula.

“I’m not the kind of person who sits alone at home. I don’t have enough money to travel. I was a birth doula. So this would be like the comings and goings.

“Yes, I could sit with someone who’s dying and help the people around them —  which I’ve done. But the other way I’m redefining this is helping people get their shit together before they die — everything from their wills to their obits.”

 And leaving them with a few laughs: “Of course.”

Janet Torge’s I Can’t Believe I’m Old costs $26.95 and is available at bookstores and Amazon. Torge speaks May 21 at 12:30 p.m. at the Lunchtime Reading Series at the Atwater Library, 1200 Atwater Ave. Free admission.

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