Bitter suite: Luxe brands panic over VI-pees as private toilets axed at US Open

It’s a grand slum!

VIPs may down vast quantities of champagne at Arthur Ashe Stadium, but they’ll have to pee with the beer crowd.

The tennis mecca has moved its luxury suites as part of a massive renovation — and well-heeled fans arriving for this year’s event have been horrified to discover that there’s now “no bathroom in the suites!”

Now frantic flacks for luxury brands entertaining their most prized business partners are in a frenzy trying to figure out how to handle their VIPs’ VI-pees.

Two celeb gatekeepers were seen looking flushed when anticipating the embarrassment of having to escort titans of industry to the restroom.

One solution they floated was to have interns to stand on the ladies bathroom line.

“This way, when they have a celebrity in their suite, and the [VIP] has to go to the bathroom, they don’t have to wait! They would just switch places with the placeholder on the bathroom line,” said an insider.

The relocation is part of the stadium’s $800 million renovation, which will see it add 2,000 new courtside seats and a number of ultra-luxe underground lounges.

Reached for comment, US Open spokesperson Brendan McIntyre confirmed the stadium is in “year two of a three-year reimagination,” adding that, “although, the experience remains incredible for this year’s US Open, when the stadium is fully transformed in 2027, it will be truly spectacular.”

“As part of this work, the decision was made to move bathrooms out of suites for numerous reasons – a move that is now industry standard – with buy-in from longstanding and new suiteholders,” he said.

McIntyre further said getting rid of the in suite bathrooms offers “more space, less maintence…, and the ability for bathroom users to have privacy away from their fellow suite attendees.”

He added: “Also, as a result of this transformation, the experience for the fans on the promenade and loge concourses will be markedly improved, with a forty-percent increase in space and a decrease in the number of fans in those sections. This means fewer people will have more space, and easier access to bathroom facilities and concessions.”

Call it bitter suite.